Distractions

After a few tears (no surprises the second test was also negative) we put on our brave faces and made it to the Royal Wedding party our friends were hosting, it was all going so well until a baby was thrust at me to hold within a few minutes of arriving. I think I handled it quite well! I was mortified initially, but then it was fine, she is a little cutie pie so I forgave her :-)

Here is the Union Jack cake I previewed on twitter . . . my work of art (copied of course!). After a good couple of hours in the kitchen I ended up having to cheat slightly but I'll leave you guessing, I just had a bfn so I made up my own rules! 

We had a good time, well tried to, but it was hard, lots of moments where you catch yourself having a good time and then you remember your real life, another cycle failed, it's heartbreaking. Today has been more difficult for us both, it's hard to accept that it's over and that we're back to the drawing board again. 

Anyhoo, back to the Royal Wedding, our friends put on a great party, there was lot's of typically English cakes and sandwiches, lots of bubbly to go round and Kate and Will masks to wear :-)

Tomorrow we go away for a couple of days for a wedding, I'm hoping this might lift our spirits a little.

Strike Two

I gave in this morning and finally tested, unfortunately there was just the one line :-( 

I thought it would be easier to handle a negative test than to wait for any spotting or AF, I was right, it was 'easier' to take the news as you're mentally preparing yourself, whereas last time I was taken aback, even though I had cramps and feared the worst it was still torturous to see the spotting.  So I wanted to avoid that this time, we waited for as long as we could and tested just one day before our OTD, today I am 10dp3dt (10 days past a 3 day transfer, so 13dpo (13 days past ovulation/egg collection). We have felt so positive throughout and I've been feeling so calm that it was a real shock for us both.

Tomorrow our lovely friends are throwing a Royal Wedding party and it starts early in the morning so we wanted to test today in case the news was bad to have some much needed time to ourselves to console each other. I will test again tomorrow anyway just to put our minds at rest that it really is over. I think it will be hard to attend the party and act as 'normal' as most of the people there are unaware of our situation, and as far as I am aware there will be only one pregnant lady and a handful of kids/babies, so may have to hide away a little for my own sanity if I'm too emotional. We also have a wedding this weekend, but at least that will keep us busy, I'm just thankful we're not back at work until Tuesday, I can't face that right now.

Ironically a good friend of mine gave birth this morning in the early hours, she is a few days earlier than planned but we knew it was coming as her waters broke the other day, she has had a teeny tiny little girl. This friend has been a great support lately, it's funny how you can support each other when you're in situations that are poles apart, but weirdly we've been able to make it work by being honest with each other.

The hardest part I think is telling people our news, especially our parents, as we know they feel our pain as much as we do, I hadn't cried all morning until I spoke to my mum and she started crying too, I think I'm still numb. I guess more tears will come in the days that pass as I realise another little part of me has broken inside.

Everything seemed to have gone so well with our cycle, other than perhaps our embryo quality, it was definitely better than last time but we still did not have any good quality ones left to freeze. I'm not really sure what we can do about this but will discuss with our consultant once I've notified them our news when it reopens on Tuesday.

I know we can try again, I know it may work next time, I know we're strong enough to get through it, they're all things that are hard to hear right now, it's just incredibly hard.

I'm left wondering if I we'll ever see those elusive two lines, but hopefully one day we will, until then it's back to the drawing board and the brave face.

Moonembies Landed

Just a quick update post transfer today, all went well and we have 2 moonembies on board, woo hoo :-)

We thought there would be a discussion with the consultant about how many to transfer but there was no need, they assumed we wanted two and so we just went with it. The procedure at this clinic was slightly different to my first clinic (mainly that it was not ultrasound guided, instead the consultant, Michael, and nurse assured us they have been transferring this method with success for years). Our embryologist, Nicola, talked us through the embryo's again and detailed the stages and grading. So pleased to hear there had been some further progress on our top two moonembies, they are now both 9-cells.

DAY 3 UPDATE AT TRANSFER

• 6 embryos growing
• 2 are good (one grade 1, one grade 2 - both 9-cells), 
• 4 are average (one grade 2-3, three grade 3) - will be taken to Day 5

They will continue to grow our other 4 moonembies but I'm guessing they will not make the grade for freezing based on our first IVF cycle and their current grading. Overall we're really pleased though and kinda excited. We had already come to the conclusion last time that maybe a Day 3 transfer might be best for us based on the quality of our embryos from Day 4 onwards but were willing to go with what the new clinic advised. It seems the quality of our top two moonembies are better this time round so hopefully a good sign.

We watched our moonembies on the screen (bizarre) and then they were loaded into the catheter for transfer and hey presto, the moonembies have landed and I hope they're getting all snuggly. Nicola gave us a couple of pictures too, apologies the quality is not great.

 

I read an article in the Guardian a while back that mentioned laughter can increase the success of IVF, I'm not sure if I believe it but thought it can't hurt and some other tweeps have been doing the same, so when we got back I got cosy with my blanket and we watched some stand up comedy :-) I also listened to the post transfer relaxation CD by Zita West to get me in the right frame of mind. On our first IVF cycle I didn't get the opportunity to rest and relax as my dad was taken very ill suddenly, so trying to make the most of it this time and also have an acupuncture session booked in with Dr Angel for tomorrow.

OH is taking good care of me and will slap my hand when he gets back from playing his weekly football match for writing a blog update, so better get back to resting :-)

Moonembies Coming Home

We still have 6 moonembies growing :-)

DAY 2 UPDATE

• 6 embryos growing
• 4 are good (grade 2), 2 are average (grade 3)

Here is today's update:

DAY 3 UPDATE

• 6 embryos growing
• 2 are good (one grade 1, one grade 2 - both 7-cells), 4 are average (one grade 2-3, three grade 3)

As there are two clear front runners they would prefer to do the transfer today, they will grow the others to Day 5 but if our last cycle is anything to go by then I think we might be doing the best thing by taking the best ones now and putting them back where they can hopefully be more cosy!
The debate over transferring one moonembie or two is continuing, I'm afraid of the risks of carrying two in my small frame (not sure if that matters) but anyhoo will see what they clinic say and go with their recommendation.
I'm scared and excited, all rolled into one moonball.

Six

Phew, we got the call this morning and the numbers are in, so far so good  -

DAY 1 UPDATE

• 13 eggs collected
• 10 mature and suitable for ICSI
• 6 embryos

So we have 6 ickle embies growing in a petri dish . . . a 60% fertilisation rate, the same rate as cycle 1, but we're hoping this time our embies are stronger.
As of last night I'm taking a progesterone supplement, last time I was on crinone, the new clinic has given my cyclogest this time, twice a day. I'm also due to start taking an antibiotic, doxycycline, prophylactically from today for one week to prevent any urinary tract infections.

Providing we get to transfer we can apparently take a CD with us to listen to music of our choice! Would be interested to hear if any of you have done this and what song you chose, help! :-)
 
And so we wait . . .

Egg Hunt

Well what can I say, I love sedation, especially after my egg collection experience in my last cycle :-)

The numbers are in, 13 eggs . . . hopefully 13 is lucky for us.

It's hard not to compare cycles but I guess natural to do so . . . this cycle has been easier overall, I'm a dab hand at injecting, the side effects much less and I responded quicker. Last time I had 15 eggs, 13 of these were mature, and of those 8 became embryos. So my number of eggs is slightly less than last time but I'm going for quality not quantity this time.  In other good news, the embryologist gave us a run down of OH's sample stats, and it's much improved, we both breathed a big sigh of relief.

All the staff at the clinic were so lovely to us throughout and very calming, especially Tina (OH calls her Nurse Sparrow). We also saw the consultant too which was nice and he gave me a little pat on the shoulder, bless. Oh and then we met Mr Smooth, the anaesthetist, omg he was super smoooooth! The only thing that hurt this time around was putting the cannula in and so I told Mr Smooth off about this, as you do! :-) before I knew it I was asleep and then back in the waiting area.

Fingers crossed my little eggies are getting down and dirty in the petri dish, lol.

Pull the Trigger

Whoop whoop it's trigger day!  

Can't believe it's come round so quickly this time . . . have to say I am feeling relaxed this time around [not hard to be more relaxed than last time though, I was uncontrollably worrying throughout the first IVF cycle] and I'm just 'trying' to go with the flow as much as possible. I think on the outside I seem quite calm to everyone and that maybe it isn't much of a big deal but inside I am still quite anxious.

I saw the lovely Dr Angel last night, she says I'm looking well and is pleased with my progress [yay]. I got yet another ear acu sticker to help me sleep :-) and she even tried some craniosacral therapy on me [yes, I will try anything at the moment]. She just tried it for the last 15 minutes of my session to help address my 'balance' by listening to my 'rhythm' and apparently helping my cerebrospinal fluid move freely around my central nervous system. Anyhoo, it felt nice and it left me with a floaty feeling. 

So, it's 10:35 . . . 10 minutes to go until my Ovitrelle trigger injection, eeek!  I will wait until I have injected before publishing my post :-)

Trigger Pulled @10:45pm

I'm done bang on time, come on eggies!

All Systems Go

Woah, it's all systems go in the world of Moon.

I rocked up at the clinic this morning for my first monitoring scan for IVF 2.0, if my first cycle was anything to go by I'm usually a slow starter on the old follicle front (see cycle 1 posts - Wakey Wakey and Grow Follies Grow) and so even though it's Day 8 of my stimulation injections, which was later than my first scan last time, I did still feel a tad bit nervous this morning. I went in to the scan room, had my hand slapped as I took my Gonal and Suprecur that morning, oops! (I could swear Nurse Chillax didn't mention about not taking my drugs until after Mr Wandy but anyhoo it's all a bit of a blur, she probably did and I have a case of selective memory loss).  All worked out ok though and my dose has not changed. BUT egg collection has moved from the scheduled dates, instead of next Monday it will now be THIS FRIDAY!!! yikes!

I don't have an exact follicle count this time, and I kinda like it, she went over it all fairly quickly and I decided it was probably better for me not to over analyse everything this time round, as long as Nurse Chillax was pleased then I should just chillax myself! Saying that, some of it did stick in my head . . . my lining is looking good at about 8.6mm, my left ovary already has one follicle at 18mm, she said there are a few good sized ones on this side and some smaller ones too. Over on the right (remember the sleepy right ovary?) she said there are a few on this side too so it's good that my ovaries are responding more evenly this time. She said we're looking at about 10 follicles maybe and some others may grow in time but she would like to move egg collection early as I am responding well (never thought I would hear such words in relation to little Moonie).

So I'm feeling a whole roller coaster of emotions . . . scared . . . excited . . . nervous . . . dreamy . . . bloated (nice) . . . excited

Mooninjector

Thanks @LilyTaj for inspiring me to write a post titled 'Mooninjector' :-)

I had my baseline scan yesterday at the new clinic with Nurse Chillax, all seems well and I was in and out of there in about 15 minutes but a few grand lighter, ha!  It was all so quick, I had my scan and she said my lining was nice and thin, about 3.4mm.  My left ovary was looking a little quiet (so it seems the opposite to my IVF cycle last time) and the right looked more awake, she said there were about 10 resting follicles so far (5 on each) and more may make an appearance as I start my stimulation injections, hope so.
I nipped across the corridor to see the pharmacist, she gave me some more needles to continue with the buserelin injections and also two gonal F pens, she then got me to do my first stimulation injection there are then, bonus!

After being frustrated that my baseline scan was moved 5 days forward because AF was a bit late it's all worked out fine, I have only been on my down reg drugs for about 2 weeks (half the time of IVF 1.0) and the dates for egg collection and hopefully embryo transfer will now all fall around the UK public holidays for the Easter break (easter. . .egg. . .easter could it be a sign!?).
So here we go, we're properly into IVF 2.0 now, yikes!


The brother-SIL saga continues, she texted me again this weekend whilst I was away on a hen do, she is now twisting things with my mum, I give up, I'm just trying to ignore 'it', she is a nut case and not one I need in my life right now.  So looking forward to my acu session tonight. c'mon Dr Angel, do your magic :-)

Also wanted to mention a great post I just read written by the lovely Jay @the2weekwait about Infertility Etiquette, take a look here.

Ear Ear

I love acupuncture, I wasn't sure I would be a fan, but it seems I am.

Dr Angel pulled out the stops at my session last week, she placed more needles this time and in slightly different places, there was even one between my eyebrows, freaky!

It was like a little therapy session, although instead of giving me any suggestions, she listened and then placed needles to try to fix it :-) We talked about how tired I was, the terrible AF pains this cycle and my sleeping problems, we even touched on the stress from my SIL and then she proceeded with her foot stroking thing. Turns out she learnt this stroking thing for relaxation from a healer she saw for 20 years, it works for me, must show OH how to do this properly.

To help with the sleeping thing she suggested some homoeopathic medicine, I'm a scientist by trade so I wasn't going to be fooled easily and interrogated her a little, lol, she cottoned on and so just told me of her own experiences. In the end, we decided together that with only 4 days left before my baseline (and hopefully starting stimulation injections) it probably wasn't worth it. Instead she said she'd like to try a little ear acupuncture, it all sounded very interesting, she prodded my ear with a metal probe in three points in my left ear (the side I sleep least on) and asked me which one could I feel the most. 

She then stuck a little sticky square thing in my ear, it had a little metal stud on it, similar to this photo I found on the BBC website [if it's good enough for Cherie Blair it's good enough for me]. I was to keep this in for as many days as I could, if it was uncomfortable or throbbing I could take it off at any time. If I felt stressed she said give it a little press.  I loved it, my own little acu to take home!  I felt a bit silly but my hair covered it well and I kept it in for a couple of days until I accidentally brushed it out when blow drying my hair [gutted].

Dr Angel didn't stop there in her quest to fix me, she then got me to sit up and used the moxa stick thingymebob at 3 places on my back to stimulate blood flow. Apparently moxibustion can be good for back pain or menstrual cramps, it left me with a really warm sensation on my back. Can't wait for my next acu session.