One on board

Oh my, I have one embie on board!! 

Today was embryo transfer (ET) day and so technically I am pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO), this term, although true, makes me feel a bit uneasy though as I cannot let myself believe the word 'pregnant' can be associated with me until I pass the next hurdle. I've been a right mix bag of emotions today, anxious, excited, relieved, fearful, hopeful, changes by the minute!

I called the clinic as instructed this morning but they could not tell me anything new and just confirmed by ET appointment for the afternoon. Whilst I was pleased about this I was still a little disappointed that they couldn't give me an update on how our embies were doing, especially after losing two yesterday I really wanted to know how they were.   

I was quite anxious last night too as I found out that my dad (who lives 3 hours away 'oop North) was feeling unwell and I can't remember if I've said before but just before starting IVF he became very ill unexpectedly in September.  He seemed to be making a remarkable recovery but unfortunately he fell ill again on Saturday and so this has set him back. My mum decided not to tell me to avoid stressing me out this week due to the stage of my IVF cycle but my brother knows me better and has let me know secretly (I prefer to have the facts) and so my mum is not yet aware that I know, complicated, yes.  Anyhoo, I was feeling anxious about this as I was worried that maybe his acute brain haematoma may be bleeding again, but if I think logically (and get a grip!), hopefully it is just an infection or something that can be sorted out soon, will have to wait and see. Fingers crossed, it’s difficult to be living away from my parents.

I’m rambling, back to embryo’s :-) On arrival at the clinic we were shown to possibly the smallest room ever, panic!? For a few seconds, we both thought maybe it wasn’t good news and no embies have survived, but the nurse quickly reassured it that this wasn’t the case. Again though, she wasn’t not able to give us any information whatsoever on our embies, so frustrating, gimme the details! Instead she explained the procedure and what to expect . . . I didn’t need a full bladder before arriving, she said sometimes there can be a half an hour wait so it was fine to start drinking from that point. First we met the consultant who would perform the ET, luckily it was the same consultant we had seen back in June so that was good and he was very smiley which was reassuring, although the first time I have had a MAN doing one of my procedures.  The embryologist then arrived, blink and you missed him, he could not wait to escape! He was quite vague and was reluctant to give any details on grading or quality (for my own good I’m sure, but frustrating all the same). He explained they would be transferring just the one embryo back (which I expected as they advocate the one at a time policy) and that it would be a morula.

Err, hold on a minute! took a couple of seconds to process, but so glad I had consulted Dr Google these past few days, I know that a morula is more of a Day 4 embryo and we were hoping for a Day 5 blastocyst. So before he escaped I asked him why, but he was still vague, he said it’s just a few hours behind being a blastocyst (I hope he’s right and I HOPE it does not affect my chances that it’s being a bit slower - OH likes to think it's 'laid-back'!). He said it’s a good morula, the other 2 to 3 embryo's are further behind.

Err, hold on a minute! I asked him to clarify, so there are only 4 left now and not 5, he confirmed that this was the case and he did not sound too hopeful that they would make the grade for freezing, my poor embies, and there goes my back up plan of escaping egg collection if there is to be a second cycle :-(  I blinked and he vanished.

Anyway, FOCUS, I'm still rambling! The procedure was absolutely fine in the end, bit like a smear test but took a bit longer (15 minutes from arriving in the room and meeting the consultant to being back in the waiting room). Me and my OH watched the ultrasound screen together, holding hands (aww) and we saw the catheter go in and then the embryologist returned briefly with the embryo in a thin tube of liquid and passed this over to the consultant for the transfer, hard to ask him any more flaming questions in the position I was in, picture this, legs in the air, practically upside down, not ideal, he escaped, ha!

And that was that, done . . . and then we smiled, how bizarre, there is one on board I hope getting all snuggly!