Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Chillax

I read a really good article shared by one of my tweeps over on twitter, the lovely @IVFChronicles so I thought I'd share it here (see link below). It's about the psychological effects of infertility on both females and males, and whoaa I can identify with so much of it.

The Psychological Impact of Infertility by Jo Perkins at Therapy Today

I've had a bit of a difficult week since my birthday so have been hiding a bit from my blog, ironic really, as I started it in the first place so I could write how I was truly feeling and let it all out and now I'm hiding from it, work that one out.  
I don't want to write a miserable post but just to fill you in on the highlights, my sadness this past week is mainly to do with the 'brother-SIL gate' as I'm normally pretty close to him and spoke to him frequently, I guess I just really miss him. I did speak to him on my birthday last Tuesday, on the whole I suppose it went well compared to the last phone call but it was super awkward and despite him trying to be normal it was still upsetting. We briefly spoke at the end about the awful SIL text and how upsetting this still is for me but that he is my only brother and I will always love him and not let her drive a wedge between us, felt good to finally say that to him. I've asked to meet him when he is next in London for work and offered to take time off work if he needed to get back to Bristol at a reasonable time (I realise now that might have been a bit presumptuous that he wouldn't tell my SIL, but anyhoo too late now). He finally texted earlier this week and the first time we can get together is Monday 28 March and I'll take the afternoon off work to meet him . . . so plenty of time for me to get myself all worked up about it (no point pretending I won't do this, I'm 100% sure I will).

Moving on . . .

Last Thursday was our medication teach session with our new clinic . . . here we met Nurse Chillax! Such a lovely lady, she is soooo chilled out and so I'm hoping this is going to rub off on me a little bit :-) She assured me everything is going to be fine (love her optimism) and as I'm familiar with the Gonal F she just showed me the buserelin (Suprecur) injections as I did the nasal sprays last time, seems pretty straightforward. I've paid our first little payment, signed a zillion forms and have my first baseline scan booked in already, yikes. 
To say I'm a little anxious is a bit of an understatement, I think the emotions I'm running through are fairly normal so I'm not too worried, just the usual, can I do this again, can I cope with another failed cycle and so on. These past couple of days instead of worrying about it I'm trying to focus on what I can do make myself feel better and if I increase my chances in the process, bonus!  Here's what I've been doing, it's early days though -
  • I'm eating breakfast (novel for me, I tend to only partake in my most hated meal at the weekends when OH tempts me by bringing me some delights whilst I'm still in bed or doing things like Toast With a Smile).
  • I'm walking to work (admittedly it only takes two minutes longer than driving as the car park is a bit of a walk, do not ask how close my new office is to home, it's embarrassing I ever drove! my defence is my hair does not do rain :-)).
  • I'm eating more fruit.
  • I'm drinking more water (still not enough but getting there, my bladder is small!).
  • Booked my first acupuncture appointment with a lady called Angelika (I'm hoping this is a sign and that she is indeed an Angel that will look after me and make me calm).
  • I'm reading before bed (to take my mind off anything stressful - work, IF, crazy SIL, whatever)
  • Stop procrastinating at work (hmm a work in progress)
Not a bad list eh? If you have any other suggestions let me know. I realise 'exercise' is missing from this list, but one step at a time huh.

8 comments:

  1. I am glad that you are going to be able to get to spend time with your brother, and that he wants to keep his relationship with you also!!!!!! That is such a great thing.

    I think you have great goals- don't push yourself too much. I did similar things as you, and being able to have attainable goals really empowered me. You CAN do this!!!! {{hugs}}

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  2. Hey ya

    Great article on counselling - and so true!

    Good idea to start with your goals, that will certainly help with a sence of acheivement... keep it up.. ONE DAY AT A TIME :-)

    Saleschick

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  3. Great list- you've almost captured my life too. :) Really hoping this is our magic cycle- as Saleschick said, we'll just take it one day at a time and we'll get through. xxx

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  4. Sounds like you are making progress on the brother thing. Good luck.
    Good idea to have a list of goals. I should do the same.
    Shona

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  5. That's a fab list!!

    I've been finding my meditation mp3 really good for helping me relax - let me know if you want the link, there's a pre-IVF and a post-IVF version. If nothing else it makes you lie down and think of nothing for 30 mins so that's got to be good!

    xxx

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  6. Thanks so much for all your comments, you're such tweethearts :-)

    myTTCstory - I have the Zita West meditation CDs but haven't listened to them yet, will message you on twitter, I'd be interested to know how often you listen to them and when you started before your cycle.

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  7. Sorry its taken me so long to read your blog. What a great article.

    Im so proud of you. You are doing great.
    I hope you and your brother get to have a really good chat when you catch up and that things return to normal sooner rather than later.

    Always here for your through this journey.
    xx

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  8. It's taken me a while too...sorry...but it's good to read you're taking such positive steps for this ivf, it will all help.

    Praying things get better with yr bro and that this cycle goes smoothly for you. xxx

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