Thursday, 16 December 2010

Cherry on Top

More choccies from a dear friend (thank you!) . . . gotta stop feeding me these naughty things soon though otherwise I'm gonna be the size of a house before Xmas arrives :-)

I haven't blogged for a little while as I felt like I needed to hide for a while . . . not that hiding solves anything and until now writing has helped me cope these past few weeks, but I guess it's a form of self preservation. I still feel incredibly sad that our treatment cycle didn't work and this is making it difficult to return back to normal, I do keep asking myself though, what is normal? 
My main concerns are that all the drugs, procedures and all the waiting is emotionally and physically draining . . . why were our embryo's not strong enough . . . will it ever work . . . did the other stress I was under affect anything? If I rationalise it, I know it's a numbers game too and I believe in fate and so it wasn't meant to be our turn this time.  Also seeing so many other infertility tweeps get BFPs lately does give me hope that it can happen.
I've surprised myself actually, I usually 'cope' with everything but I guess the accumulation of the events has not helped, not really sure where I go from here, I'm not sure counselling will help as I know I just need to focus on moving on and taking sick leave from work is not going to help me either. So . . . instead we've booked a holiday and boy do I need some pampering time.  So I'll be gone for just over two weeks in January and then it will be February before I know it, perfect, I literally cannot wait to get away and chill out!

I went back and read some of my older posts (makes interesting reading, ha!) and with everything going on I forgot to mention a blog award I received back in November from one of my favourite tweeps, Low Fat Lady, so sorry it's taken so long to post but thank you!  I was so chuffed to get this as this is my first ever blog and was wondering if anyone would enjoy my drivel.

The rules: link back to the person who gave you the award, pass it on to five (or a bunch of) other blogs, and leave them a comment telling them of the award.
So here goes . . . I give this award to (drum roll please) -

Low Fat Lady (rules are for breaking so I'm linking back to you as I love your blog!)

The other day @saleschick reminded me of my mantra from one of my first posts, I'd forgotten all about it!
  • Take one day at a time
  • Be strong
  • I can do this
I need to be stronger and I know that's a state of mind so that's what I'm gonna do, be strong, I know it's ok to cry from time to time, but most of the time I hope to be strong and I know it will get easier.
Actually, I'm currently in a dire 4 hour teleconference (who schedules 4 hour calls?!?!), and I am showing great strength in persevering :-)


  1. Thank you so much for the mention!!! I love reading your blog too and will return the favour soon!

    Your holiday sounds a fab idea. I'm already planning one if our first cycle fails so I'll have something to focus on. Where are you going?

    I'm usually someone who 'copes' too and I'm surprised at how hard this IF lark has hit me. I'm fine one minute and the next I'm a mess. It makes a big difference to know that other people are in the same shoes.

    Thanks Moon xxx

  2. OMG! I've always loved cherries. And cupcakes. Thank you Moon!! This is my first blog too and I wasn't really sure anyone else would even read it, let alone enjoy it. I started it as a form of therapy to help return me to the person I used to be, before ttc took over my every thought.

    What I wasn't expecting is this strong personal connection I feel to you and to other ttc women out there. The support in this community is incredible.

    I'm pleased you will have a lovely holiday and have pulled yourself back to your guiding mantra. (I smiled to learn that kia kaha was already there!). You definitely deserve some pampering.

    Thank you friend xx

  3. Ah bless you - sounds lik ea real roller coaster and i don't blame you for hiding.

    can i ask you to read my blog. i can't promise reiki can help you get preg but it can help you relax and destress - and it really is a possible miracle out there - as you have seen with your fellow bloggers - and well with my client. If you want any help finding a local reiki practioner, please let me know.
    take care xxx

  4. *hugs* Thanks for re-gifting the award ;) I think you are doing really well considering. I think that taking a vacation is an awesome idea and I hope you have a wonderful time.

  5. I'm so sorry and so angry for you that this round didn't work. You've got the perfect plan though - enjoy the holidays, relax on a vacation, the gear up for the next round!

  6. Thank you so much for the mention. I love reading your blog - you are a brave lady sharing everything with us.... that definitely takes a strong person to do that with complete strangers. It shows you CAN do this!