All Systems Go

Woah, it's all systems go in the world of Moon.

I rocked up at the clinic this morning for my first monitoring scan for IVF 2.0, if my first cycle was anything to go by I'm usually a slow starter on the old follicle front (see cycle 1 posts - Wakey Wakey and Grow Follies Grow) and so even though it's Day 8 of my stimulation injections, which was later than my first scan last time, I did still feel a tad bit nervous this morning. I went in to the scan room, had my hand slapped as I took my Gonal and Suprecur that morning, oops! (I could swear Nurse Chillax didn't mention about not taking my drugs until after Mr Wandy but anyhoo it's all a bit of a blur, she probably did and I have a case of selective memory loss).  All worked out ok though and my dose has not changed. BUT egg collection has moved from the scheduled dates, instead of next Monday it will now be THIS FRIDAY!!! yikes!

I don't have an exact follicle count this time, and I kinda like it, she went over it all fairly quickly and I decided it was probably better for me not to over analyse everything this time round, as long as Nurse Chillax was pleased then I should just chillax myself! Saying that, some of it did stick in my head . . . my lining is looking good at about 8.6mm, my left ovary already has one follicle at 18mm, she said there are a few good sized ones on this side and some smaller ones too. Over on the right (remember the sleepy right ovary?) she said there are a few on this side too so it's good that my ovaries are responding more evenly this time. She said we're looking at about 10 follicles maybe and some others may grow in time but she would like to move egg collection early as I am responding well (never thought I would hear such words in relation to little Moonie).

So I'm feeling a whole roller coaster of emotions . . . scared . . . excited . . . nervous . . . dreamy . . . bloated (nice) . . . excited

Mooninjector

Thanks @LilyTaj for inspiring me to write a post titled 'Mooninjector' :-)

I had my baseline scan yesterday at the new clinic with Nurse Chillax, all seems well and I was in and out of there in about 15 minutes but a few grand lighter, ha!  It was all so quick, I had my scan and she said my lining was nice and thin, about 3.4mm.  My left ovary was looking a little quiet (so it seems the opposite to my IVF cycle last time) and the right looked more awake, she said there were about 10 resting follicles so far (5 on each) and more may make an appearance as I start my stimulation injections, hope so.
I nipped across the corridor to see the pharmacist, she gave me some more needles to continue with the buserelin injections and also two gonal F pens, she then got me to do my first stimulation injection there are then, bonus!

After being frustrated that my baseline scan was moved 5 days forward because AF was a bit late it's all worked out fine, I have only been on my down reg drugs for about 2 weeks (half the time of IVF 1.0) and the dates for egg collection and hopefully embryo transfer will now all fall around the UK public holidays for the Easter break (easter. . .egg. . .easter could it be a sign!?).
So here we go, we're properly into IVF 2.0 now, yikes!


The brother-SIL saga continues, she texted me again this weekend whilst I was away on a hen do, she is now twisting things with my mum, I give up, I'm just trying to ignore 'it', she is a nut case and not one I need in my life right now.  So looking forward to my acu session tonight. c'mon Dr Angel, do your magic :-)

Also wanted to mention a great post I just read written by the lovely Jay @the2weekwait about Infertility Etiquette, take a look here.

Chillax

I read a really good article shared by one of my tweeps over on twitter, the lovely @IVFChronicles so I thought I'd share it here (see link below). It's about the psychological effects of infertility on both females and males, and whoaa I can identify with so much of it.

The Psychological Impact of Infertility by Jo Perkins at Therapy Today

I've had a bit of a difficult week since my birthday so have been hiding a bit from my blog, ironic really, as I started it in the first place so I could write how I was truly feeling and let it all out and now I'm hiding from it, work that one out.  
I don't want to write a miserable post but just to fill you in on the highlights, my sadness this past week is mainly to do with the 'brother-SIL gate' as I'm normally pretty close to him and spoke to him frequently, I guess I just really miss him. I did speak to him on my birthday last Tuesday, on the whole I suppose it went well compared to the last phone call but it was super awkward and despite him trying to be normal it was still upsetting. We briefly spoke at the end about the awful SIL text and how upsetting this still is for me but that he is my only brother and I will always love him and not let her drive a wedge between us, felt good to finally say that to him. I've asked to meet him when he is next in London for work and offered to take time off work if he needed to get back to Bristol at a reasonable time (I realise now that might have been a bit presumptuous that he wouldn't tell my SIL, but anyhoo too late now). He finally texted earlier this week and the first time we can get together is Monday 28 March and I'll take the afternoon off work to meet him . . . so plenty of time for me to get myself all worked up about it (no point pretending I won't do this, I'm 100% sure I will).

Moving on . . .

Last Thursday was our medication teach session with our new clinic . . . here we met Nurse Chillax! Such a lovely lady, she is soooo chilled out and so I'm hoping this is going to rub off on me a little bit :-) She assured me everything is going to be fine (love her optimism) and as I'm familiar with the Gonal F she just showed me the buserelin (Suprecur) injections as I did the nasal sprays last time, seems pretty straightforward. I've paid our first little payment, signed a zillion forms and have my first baseline scan booked in already, yikes. 
To say I'm a little anxious is a bit of an understatement, I think the emotions I'm running through are fairly normal so I'm not too worried, just the usual, can I do this again, can I cope with another failed cycle and so on. These past couple of days instead of worrying about it I'm trying to focus on what I can do make myself feel better and if I increase my chances in the process, bonus!  Here's what I've been doing, it's early days though -

• I'm eating breakfast (novel for me, I tend to only partake in my most hated meal at the weekends when OH tempts me by bringing me some delights whilst I'm still in bed or doing things like Toast With a Smile).
• I'm walking to work (admittedly it only takes two minutes longer than driving as the car park is a bit of a walk, do not ask how close my new office is to home, it's embarrassing I ever drove! my defence is my hair does not do rain :-)).
• I'm eating more fruit.
• I'm drinking more water (still not enough but getting there, my bladder is small!).
• Booked my first acupuncture appointment with a lady called Angelika (I'm hoping this is a sign and that she is indeed an Angel that will look after me and make me calm).
• I'm reading before bed (to take my mind off anything stressful - work, IF, crazy SIL, whatever)
• Stop procrastinating at work (hmm a work in progress)

Not a bad list eh? If you have any other suggestions let me know. I realise 'exercise' is missing from this list, but one step at a time huh.

The Magic Number

First things first . . .

BREAKING NEWS: Prince William & Kate Middleton are engaged to be married!

Jeez, enough already :-) I've been working from home today and ALL the news channels have gone mental. I've just watched their first exclusive interview on the BBC, they seem like ordinary people, nice rock too. The interviewer asked they if they were planning on having a big family or just seeing how it goes (what kind of question is that?!), they handled it well though and said they'd like a family but one step at a time, they just got engaged, give 'em chance.

Anyway, back to real life, had my third monitoring scan today, boy was it busy in the waiting room today, so much so that they did everything back to front, I had my blood test before my scan this time (not that I'm a fusspot (much!) but I'd rather get the dildo-cam out of the way as soon as, it's not like saving the best for last). The lady who took my blood was the loveliest lady I've seen so far, very caring. She said I looked tired (check) and very nervous (check), yup, that's me.  We went through my results from the last scan and she reassured me I was doing well (again obviously well versed in making you feel calm as we all know I could be responding better - c'mon righty!) and she seemed generally pleased. Apparently the magic number they are looking for is about 18mm and she hoped I would have some at that stage already by now. She took some blood and Spy Moon checked out the paperwork, my estradiol level last time was 4912 pg/ml. Now between the last visit and this one I have been using Dr Google and so I asked the lady if she thought it was too high, she just said it was high, but it's good and it's ok as I only have a few follicles, I left it at that.

I had my scan with a different lady and me and my OH sat there and watched the blobs move over the screen . . . no idea how they keep track when they're measuring them, I'm sure she measured one of them twice :-) they just look like bubbles to me.

Left Ovary

9 follicles (err one missing! a couple of these are at 18mm (magic), some about 14mm)

One small cyst (apparently it hasn't grown since last time, about 24mm)

Right Ovary

5 follicles (1 at 11mm (go righty), the rest are teeny tiny).

So my lefty is doing me proud.  They'd like me to take my Gonal F tonight (Day 12 of stimms) so they can give some of my smaller follies a chance to catch up. I've no idea how many eggs this could yield though (another worry for another day). My HCG trigger injection is likely to be tomorrow with egg collection on Friday.

Interestingly both the ladies today said I look terrified, the thought of the egg collection procedure is filling me with dread. They talked me through some of what will happen . . . it will be under a local anaesthetic, I will be given a muscle relaxant injection, pethidine (doesn't that make you feel drunk and usually given for women in labour?!) and an anti sickness injection, both injections in my rear :-( and wait for it, a suppository for pain relief that I can administer myself (gee thanks). What is it with the rear?  I've not had a suppository before . . . after all this they wonder why I look terrified. Apparently I can have gas and air too and there will be 5 people in theatre (surgeon, anaesthetist, two nurses and an assistant). My OH will be giving his sample that morning too, I'm not sure he can hold me hand in theatre though, boo :-( I'll just have to be even more brave.

So we wait . . . the clinic will call tomorrow to confirm if I am to have my trigger injection and what time to take it.

Yours scared, Moon x

Grow Follies Grow

I've been on my Gonal F stimulation injections for 9 days now if you count tonight, go Moon, lol :-)

These past couple of days though I have been feeling a bit on the bloated side, not a good look I can tell ya. It's usually been happening in the evenings in the safety of my own home, but yesterday my tummy decided to spontaneously bloat out during a meeting with some of my new work colleagues, brilliant! I was wearing smart trousers and a fitted cardigan, nowhere to hide other than behind my pashmina, thought my trouser button was going to pop off (ha!). My boobs are on the up too (.)(.) and are a bit tender but I'm still not complaining about this one. Other things I've noticed is that I am starving ALL the time, either the drugs are doing their magic and working hard or I've turned into a greedy monster, I like to think the former.

So I had my second monitoring visit at the clinic early this morning to see how I'm doing on stimms, I was feeling so anxious about it that I sat bolt upright at 7am before my alarm went off and woke up my OH, oops. I was worried again about my little right ovary not responding and what this could mean and whether there is something wrong with it that we didn't know before. I'm not sure I spoke much on our 45 minute journey to the clinic, lost in my thoughts whirring around my head and of course, fearing the worst. These drugs definitely make you feel up one minute and then you come crashing down the next.

My scan was bit more uncomfortable this time compared to last time but it was worth it as there was some progress thank goodness.

Left Ovary

10 follicles (3 or 4 of these are below 10mm). Go lefty!

One small cyst (still there, but apparently they will aspirate this at egg collection)

Right Ovary

Woo hoo, some activity, only a little, but it's some. 2 teeny tiny follicles.

I didn't manage to get the follie measurements this time but I think some were at the 14mm stage, what size do follicles ideally need to be to release mature eggs?

I asked about my right ovary (again) and I was reassured that I shouldn't worry, it doesn't mean anything is wrong, it could respond on another cycle and that it's just disappointing it isn't responding this time. I'm pleased there is some activity now, might only be two teeny ones, but at least it's woken up, I doubt it will catch up in time but nevermind. I feel quite protective over my right ovary now, poor thing!

I had some more blood taken and collected some more Gonal F, seems I'm sticking to the same dose of 225IU and they'd like to see me again on Tuesday. They didn't call me in the afternoon like last time so I didn't get chance to ask about my estradiol level, guess it's back to the on a need to know basis so no over analysing opportunities :-) probably a good thing.

As we were up so early we tried to make the most of the day, we headed over to a shopping centre for retail therapy (much appreciated) and make a start on our christmas shopping (has to start some day). I was craving my favourite from Starbucks, but went for the decaf option, try saying this, hilarious - tall decaf skinny caramel macchiato with sugar-free vanilla syrup! In the evening my OH took me out for dinner for my favourite, Laksa, yum yum yum, if you haven't had this before, it's a spicy noodle soup with tofu and chicken, tastes divine and is so addictive. 

Bloated stomach + spicy soup = one round Moon.

Jabba Jabba Doo

• Injection #4, done
• My technique, fail :-(

Hmm injection hurt a bit again tonight, OH thinks that when I injected so well that first day that my other hand was supporting the injection pen where it is entering my tummy to hold it steady, so will have to try that again tomorrow. Never mind though, the raspberry trifle I had later more than made up for the pain [dairy and fruit all in one pot, what more could I ask for? all part of the must.put.on.a.few.pounds campaign].

Still suffering from a little insomnia and it's irritating, no sleep = a grumpy Moon.

Tried to look up some practical tips to help and found the following in case any one is suffering the same -

• Avoid drinking caffeine drinks (I've ditched the caffeine already)
• Avoid alcohol for 2 hours before bed time (ditto)
• Relax in the bath tub (hmm maybe, I'm a shower kinda gal)
• Listen to quiet, relaxing music
• Exercise during the day but avoid 2 hours before bed time (meh)
• Avoid eating late in the evening (okay)
• Avoid working on a computer before bed (hmm point taken)

On that note, I'll close my laptop and retire for the evening, good night!
 

i.am.spoilt

First things first, symptoms this weekend include . . .

• Feeling a tad bit irritable (just in time for the weekend, fab)
• Odd twinges here and there
• Feeling lazy (a symptom in my book)
• Bit spaced out after my 1st and 2nd injection for about 30 minutes
• Instances of stuck-in-pyjamas-syndrome!

Hmm as my first injection went so well I was a bit over confident with injection #2 on Saturday evening, I just wanted to get it over and done with so I moved at quick speed! Err not recommended for us first timers . . . forgot to pinch my skin to get that roll of fat (d'oh) and so it hurt a bit more than the day before, maybe I hit a capillary, I'm not sure. I thought today's injection #3 would be better, didn't rush this time, but then I forgot to let go of my roll of fat (nice) after injecting and clicking the doses in (double d'oh) so it still hurt a bit!? Maybe that's a symptom, lack of concentration!

I've been worrying a bit more than usual today about anything related to my treatment, the clinic didn't give me any advice on what I do when I'm getting to the end of one of my Gonal F injection pens, am I expected to do a partial dose from my current pen and a partial dose from my new pen, or just use a new pen? according to my tweeps, yes, 2 needles, boo. Given my poor performance with the needles this weekend I think it's wise to use my new injection pen tomorrow and later in the week when I've got the hang of it I will do the 2 partial doses and 2 needles in one night thing.  Also I've been concerned for a little while that for my first IVF cycle I appear to be missing a baseline scan, instead I went straight from down reg to stimm injections all by a mere phone call, feels a bit odd to me but I've done some research online and I think Bourn Hall just doesn't do them any more if you start down reg on Cycle Day 21 (I have been sniffing for 30 days now! yawn) and I wonder if it's because I'm NHS too. OH assures me that I'm sure the clinic knows what they're doing :-)

Anyhoo, back to the title of my post today, i.am.spoilt . . . that appears to be me this weekend -

Breakfast in bed
OH offered to help make my blog look pretty (hope you like it)
One v small glass of wine on Saturday (is that a crime at this stage??)
A lush lemon drizzle cake candle (smells divine) and . . .


 


. . . yummy chocolate cupcakes (we have demolished them all already!) from two very sweet friends.

i.am.spoilt.and.i.like.it.very.much

Shooting Up!

It's my first stimming injection day, repeated the mantras several times this evening, LOL!

• Take one day at a time
• Be strong
• I can do this

I can do this, errr can I!!? eeeeek
I was in denial for most of the day, too preoccupied with work (guess it does have its uses sometimes) . . . I knew I could do it, I was just feeling petrified about having to prick myself with the needle for the first time, millions of people do it and are fine I'm sure!  
 

I got everything out, all nice and straight :-) To psych myself up I watched the video again and then once more for good measure, right, I can do this!

Alcohol swabs at the ready too!  I've posted  a picture of the needle too in case any one wants to see, it's fairly small, but suddenly looks way bigger as you're about to stab it in :-)
Consulted my notes (several times), whilst my OH stood by (camera at the ready) with encouraging excited smiles, I'm looking petrified (obviously!).

Videoing it was banned this evening, need to concentrate!

3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

No, can't do it, LOL.

3 . . . 2 . . . stab, ha! :)

Easy peasy. The scariest bit is stabbing the needle in, once it's in you really can't feel it. I clicked in the doses and I thought you would be able to feel the drugs going in at each click, but surprisingly you can't. In my relief I lifted my thumb off the plunger button for a second or two (d'oh), but quickly put it back on before withdrawing the needle.
What a relief.  OH observes closely to see emergence of a second head, no sign so far ;-)

To Swab or Not to Swab

25th day of sniffing today (yawn)

Getting a bit bored of sniffing Suprecur for down regulating now :-/ can we move on to the next stage now, pretty please (with a cherry on top).  My symptoms are thankfully starting to settle down a bit now though, insomnia is less frequent, headaches have passed and only the odd twinge of pain here and there. My clinic (Bourn Hall) said that I will be starting my Gonal F stimulation injections in the week commencing 1 November . . . well I waited, and waited, and waited some more to hear from them and finally they called yesterday afternoon, seems I will be starting them on Friday 5 November, feels like an age to wait! Even though I'm petrified of starting I was a little disappointed that I have to wait some more till the end of the week. My first monitoring visit to check on my follicles is planned for Thursday 11 November. That's all I know so far . . . as one of my fellow IVF'er twitter-er commented @IVFLondonUK, it's like the CIA, they only give out info on a need to know basis, well I need to know more :-)
Had a little panic on Sunday that I'd forgotten what the pharmacist lady had said about administering the Gonal F injection pen . . . well fear no more, the internet has everything a girl can need. I searched on YouTube and found several (some hilarious) videos on how to do it, I'm not sure some of them helped, but I did find one that I think is worthy of mentioning (Link to Gonal F video).  64 million dollar question is though . . .

To swab or not to swab!

My clinic didn't send me any alcohol swabs but every video I've watched mentions it and so Twitter to the rescue, everyone is using them! I asked the clinic when they called and the nurse assured me that I don't need them, too late though my OH had nipped out of work to buy me some (bless). To.swab.or.not.to.swab gate has continued today, I think it's a UK vs US thing, anyhoo, I think I'm convinced to swab now thank you very much.
My stress levels during this entire process have reached all new highs (events at my lovely workplace not making this any easier, how kind of them), how is it possible to stay calm and stress free if you've haven't been through IVF before though? I did find an interesting article from the Telegraph (how intellectual!) about stress and it's effects on IVF and was really surprised by what I found - Link to 'Being-stressed-might-help-IVF-women-get-pregnant'
I'm not sure what to make of it, but if it's right, well I'm on to a winner!

Drugs R Us

I sat at home waiting patiently for my drugs to arrive . . . I'm supposed to be "working from home", hmm not a whole lot of work going on here, I can tell ya, Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Jeremy Kyle (tee hee, any distraction will do this morning).

I finally get the magic phone call about 10:30am, the courier is just round the corner, sounds like a nice man :-)

Errr blimey, that's a BIG box, why have I been sent such a BIG box :-(

I carefully unpack, stack everything neatly!  Take a photo (of course).

Errr not just nasal sprays and needles then, why the hell do I have 3 boxes of progesterone vaginal gel, no one told me about that . . . wtf

Deep breaths . . . just stack them nice and neatly.

Panic over, they have sent a lovely purple carry case, all is forgiven.

I meticulously do down the check list, everything present and correct, needles in the fridge (interesting next to the wine and milk) and the rest at room temperature. Will study everything more closely when I get back home tonight, omg I start on Friday :-/