Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Stuck in the Maze

It’s nearly two weeks since my last post . . . where have I been?
  • In hiding (yep I’m hiding from ‘my’ own blog, hilarious but true)
  • In counselling
  • In shopping malls
  • Watching Greys Anatomy
  • Tying ribbons to confetti cones
I’ve had another tough couple of weeks, my only way through seems to be retract from some aspects of my life and take one day at a time. I’ve been back on twitter a little bit and so some of you may already know what I’ve been up to lately, I’m getting there slowly, but still stuck in the maze running from that black cloud.

Mr Moon has been taking good care of me with flowers and gifts, anything to bring a little smile to my face.

I am happiest at home when we’re in our cocoon where everything seems safe and I can convince myself I can do this, one step out of the door and that confidence quickly fades though. Ms Mellow, my counsellor, is trying to help me with this and is convincing me that I am indeed coping, maybe not as well as I would like (always a high achiever!) but this is ‘coping’, I have not yet fallen into a heap and not got back up again.  I’m keeping up the acupuncture with Dr Angel and I’m still doing the yoga, so keeping my head above water, just.

I’ve also kept myself occupied with bridesmaid activities, my dress is being collected today and the celebratory activities have already started last weekend, only one more day at work and I’m off, yay. I have made some beautiful confetti cones with bits of ribbon tied around them in bows, if you know me in real life, each one has been meticulously made, checked and double checked for perfection.

In other news, Mr Moon has a new job (woo hoo) so this is great to have some good news amongst all the bad. We had our chromosome karyotyping results back too and these are all clear. We’re just waiting on one more test for Mr Moon and then I’ll ask him to write a blog post on all the latest results he’s had.   In celebration of Mr Moon’s success I treated myself with Mr Moon’s money (ha haa) to a shopping trip to the
Pandora shop and have a new bracelet with charms, I find a girl cannot have enough charm type bracelets :-)

I’m getting closer and closer to cycle 3 . . . the day after the wedding we will rush back home so I can administer my first down reg injection, how’s that for timing!  I wanted to start after the wedding so I could shift that horrid IVF bloat and have some bubbles to celebrate on the day, the way the dates have fallen means I literally start the next day. I haven’t given it much thought yet, guess I know the drill now, I’m sure the nerves will settle in on Sunday though.

By the way,
@toofriedeggs posted this great article on twitter today about The Age of Mechanical Reproduction by Paul Ford, an alternative view on this whole IVF business, a good read if you fancy a peek.


  1. Hi moonie. I've been following you on twitter for a few weeks and have been catching up on your blog. I have to say that you seem to be dealing with the ups and downs way better than I am. I'm going to take a big leaf out of your book and try the whole counselling thing too! Scary!!!

    What you have been tweeting on lately has really helped me. Sometimes it all feels so lonely especially when you everyone around you is getting on with their lives whilst you still feel stuck. You've had an awful lot to deal with lately, one thing after another, but you're handling it all really well so you should be proud of yourself. What I'm learning is that you need to focus on YOU, that may mean being a bit selfish sometimes but you have to put yourself first now and do what you need to get through each day. What 'selfish' means to you is probably someone elses 'normal'!

    I guess it's hard too for our family and friends to know how to deal with us crazy IVF chicks. I've come to realise that all us girls can do is keep strong through the many hard times and keep hope alive, even if that means hiding away sometimes.

    Be strong moonie and fingers crossed or your next cycle. You really do deserve a break!

    Vicky x

  2. Hello Moon! I've been hiding from my blog too I guess, although not intentionally. You sound really down hon. That doesn't mean you're not doing an amazing job coping with what you have been through (and we all know how soul destroying the fertility game can be), but I wonder if you are being too hard on yourself? Sometimes striving to manage emotional distress the way we think we should just leads to trouble. Sometimes it's better to just float downstream for a while and not try to swim against the current. Does that make any sense to you? I'm so out of touch with all your news. I am guessing your brother hasn't done the right thing yet? Big hugs are being propelled at you from 42 below (honest, I'm actually wrapping my arms around a virtual Moon right now) :)

    In other news...Awesome! I am so pleased you are excelling at your bridesmaid duties (I love weddings...but everyone I know got married ages ago!), and that the karyotyping was all normal. That's fantastic news. I can imagine you are a little ambivalent about starting your next cycle, mine were always an unsatisfactory blend of hope & fear. I am sending you quality egg vibes (this seems to be one of my psychic talents) and wishing you all the best for number three. Statistically you've got it in the bag! Good luck!! xxx

  3. Thinking of you. Sometimes taking a break and just hiding from things and distracting yourself is just what you need. Take your time. Do what you need to do for yourself. Yea for Mr. Moon and his new job!!

  4. I'm glad you are coping - this crap isn't easy to deal with! I'm also glad that you get to enjoy the wedding before heading into the nest round. xoxo and good luck! I'm rooting for you!

  5. Everything you're feeling is so understandable. This stuff wears you down and hacks away at your confidence. But you're doing all the right, acu, counselling...and it sounds like Mr Moon is a great support. Congrats on his new job and the test results. Have a fab time at the wedding, wishing you all the luck in the world for this next cycle. You can do it moonie, I'm right here with you xx

  6. Mr. Moon is such a great hubby. I'm sure MoonCat helps out with cheering you up, too. :) I always start feeling better when I can get started on the next cycle. Great news on the karyotyping!

  7. Thanks for all your lovely comments, they really help and lift my spirits.
    Moonie xx