Tick Tock

I was back at the clinic again today, Spy Moon got a photo of my chart when I was left alone for a moment, if I was being watched on any cameras I can imagine they fell off their chair laughing watching me get out my camera phone super quick :-)

All seems to be going fine and I will do my trigger injection on Saturday with egg collection on Monday as planned, eek. My menopur dose has been dropped down again, now to 75 IU for my last dose which I took this morning. In total for this cycle I have had down reg injections (buserelin) for 27 days, and for the last 11 days of that I've also had stimm injections, way too many needles to count, but only one bruise! 

I have fewer follicles than my last two cycles, but I'm hoping trying Menopur this time may give me some better quality eggs. Looks like I could be on for about 10 eggs overall, with maybe 7 of those being mature enough for ICSI.

So my trigger injection (ovitrelle) is scheduled for 10:45pm on Saturday night, rock n roll.

Keep Calm and Drink Tea

What an interesting week so far, what was supposed to have started out as a peaceful demonstration has turned into widespread riots across the country, it’s been going on for days now and I’m truly shocked at the destruction these mindless people are causing . . . the rioting, looting and violence is still continuing today, it’s madness.

That little squirt from Big Brother, Sam Pepper, has set up a facebook group and has got #OperationCupOfTea trending.  It’s kinda cool, the idea being that we should make tea, not war. People have been posting photo’s of their cups of tea! it’s the number one trending topic on twitter at the moment, tea solves everything right, I like to think so :-)

In other pressing news, I had my first monitoring scan yesterday . . . these new waves of nausea I’m experiencing these last few days are not too pleasant, I’m sure the nerves didn’t help though. Thankfully, all was fine, one side is responding better than the other, c’mon sleepy ovary.  I’m responding a bit quicker than last time so the menopur is affecting me slightly differently and I’ve noticed that in my symptoms too. To slow things down a little and to give my smaller follies a fighting chance they are reducing my dose down from 225 IU to 150 IU, and I’ll be back there in a couple of days for another monitoring scan and egg collection is pencilled in for early next week as planned.

Dr Angel tells me that I must practice being ‘open’ and not kid myself I’m being open when I’m not really feeling it inside, so that’s this week’s task (just a small mountain to climb then!), she’s got me sussed out.

Auntie Moon

I’m on my twitter break and I have to say it feel a little weeeird, I haven’t decided if it’s a good or a bad thing yet, it’s probably a good thing as my tweets would have just been too whiny! I’ve been struggling somewhat in my down regulation phase this time, I have an array of aches and pains and generally feel pretty exhausted and down with what life continues to throw at me.

Technically I am now an auntie, my brother/crazy SIL had a baby boy a few days earlier than expected. Over the past week I have had some limited contact with my brother and I’ve been hearing filtered information through my mum, bless her, she is stuck in the middle of all this too.  As always, I am the bigger person, I haven’t mentioned the stunt my SIL played the other week that I mentioned in my last post, instead I passed on my congratulations and sent a card and gift. My parents are visiting their first grandchild right now, I don’t expect to be included but it still makes me sad as there is no resolution to this horrid situation right now.

I found out earlier this week that my dad has been told he is diabetic and is now on medication to help control this. Who keeps throwing these things at me!

I had my baseline scan earlier this week (a good old date with Mr Wandy again, oh how I haven't missed you), despite all the odd aches and pains there is nothing untoward happening in there thankfully and I started my new stimulation medications that same day. I’m trying Menopur this time (rather than Gonal F) just to see if it makes a difference to our embryos. The mixing of the powder and solvent seems quite straightforward, although some days I’m having 3 injections to be able to get the right dose from multiple bottles, ouch!  I’m having quite a bit of injection site pain, especially as the day goes on as my IVF bloat is now reappearing and stretches my tummy area!

I’m hoping I’ll start to feel better now that I’m on the Menopur, hopefully I’m growing fabulous follies inside.

Goodie Bag

All Systems Go

Woah, it's all systems go in the world of Moon.

I rocked up at the clinic this morning for my first monitoring scan for IVF 2.0, if my first cycle was anything to go by I'm usually a slow starter on the old follicle front (see cycle 1 posts - Wakey Wakey and Grow Follies Grow) and so even though it's Day 8 of my stimulation injections, which was later than my first scan last time, I did still feel a tad bit nervous this morning. I went in to the scan room, had my hand slapped as I took my Gonal and Suprecur that morning, oops! (I could swear Nurse Chillax didn't mention about not taking my drugs until after Mr Wandy but anyhoo it's all a bit of a blur, she probably did and I have a case of selective memory loss).  All worked out ok though and my dose has not changed. BUT egg collection has moved from the scheduled dates, instead of next Monday it will now be THIS FRIDAY!!! yikes!

I don't have an exact follicle count this time, and I kinda like it, she went over it all fairly quickly and I decided it was probably better for me not to over analyse everything this time round, as long as Nurse Chillax was pleased then I should just chillax myself! Saying that, some of it did stick in my head . . . my lining is looking good at about 8.6mm, my left ovary already has one follicle at 18mm, she said there are a few good sized ones on this side and some smaller ones too. Over on the right (remember the sleepy right ovary?) she said there are a few on this side too so it's good that my ovaries are responding more evenly this time. She said we're looking at about 10 follicles maybe and some others may grow in time but she would like to move egg collection early as I am responding well (never thought I would hear such words in relation to little Moonie).

So I'm feeling a whole roller coaster of emotions . . . scared . . . excited . . . nervous . . . dreamy . . . bloated (nice) . . . excited

Mooninjector

Thanks @LilyTaj for inspiring me to write a post titled 'Mooninjector' :-)

I had my baseline scan yesterday at the new clinic with Nurse Chillax, all seems well and I was in and out of there in about 15 minutes but a few grand lighter, ha!  It was all so quick, I had my scan and she said my lining was nice and thin, about 3.4mm.  My left ovary was looking a little quiet (so it seems the opposite to my IVF cycle last time) and the right looked more awake, she said there were about 10 resting follicles so far (5 on each) and more may make an appearance as I start my stimulation injections, hope so.
I nipped across the corridor to see the pharmacist, she gave me some more needles to continue with the buserelin injections and also two gonal F pens, she then got me to do my first stimulation injection there are then, bonus!

After being frustrated that my baseline scan was moved 5 days forward because AF was a bit late it's all worked out fine, I have only been on my down reg drugs for about 2 weeks (half the time of IVF 1.0) and the dates for egg collection and hopefully embryo transfer will now all fall around the UK public holidays for the Easter break (easter. . .egg. . .easter could it be a sign!?).
So here we go, we're properly into IVF 2.0 now, yikes!


The brother-SIL saga continues, she texted me again this weekend whilst I was away on a hen do, she is now twisting things with my mum, I give up, I'm just trying to ignore 'it', she is a nut case and not one I need in my life right now.  So looking forward to my acu session tonight. c'mon Dr Angel, do your magic :-)

Also wanted to mention a great post I just read written by the lovely Jay @the2weekwait about Infertility Etiquette, take a look here.

Dr Angel

I met Dr Angel last night, my first real taste of acupuncture and I liked it!

I came back home feeling pretty relaxed and absolutely starving (is that normal?), I think I could have eaten a horse had OH put one in front of me (gross but you get my point). I decided to stay away from the l-a-p-t-o-p last night, so that was good as I stayed relaxed for the rest of the evening and didn't think much about work, of course I still had my phone  though (one step at a time) and I watched some 'trash telly' to keep me occupied . . . America's Next Top Model (final!!) and 90210 (how old am I?) :-)

Dr Angel asked me lots of questions about how I'm feeling right now and we had a good discussion about what I usually eat and any current stresses in my life.  She mentioned the cheese thing!  I've been a bit sceptical about this before but willing to give anything a try, and as I pretty much hate cheese anyway it wasn't a big deal, she confirmed that it's probably a good idea to keep avoiding this for now as the body will produce more mucus and we want everything to be free flowing with no obstructions. I asked about bananas, she wasn't too fussed about these as long as I don't have too many (gone off them though) and she insisted on avoiding raw vegetables, salad and fruit in the evenings, instead keep them to during the day when my body has more energy to digest and break them down, seems pretty straightforward. 

I laid on 'the couch' and Dr Angel checked my pulse qualities and tongue, similar to how Dr Energyflow did when OH and I saw him at our first acupuncture consultation (see OH's guest blog entry - Prickly Subject). She then did this really lovely massage/stroking thing on my feet for what seemed like ages, very very relaxing indeed. Apparently I can teach OH to do this to keep me relaxed at home when I need it.   Dr Angel inserted 7 needles in total, 2 in my legs, 2 in my ankles and 3 around my belly button.  They didn't hurt at all, I just looked a bit freaky when I looked down! she also put a heat lamp over my belly, mmm made me feel all warm and cosy!

I like Dr Angel, I'm glad I've tried something new (tick), she didn't make any promise of baby miracles (tick), she spoke genuinely (tick) and she thinks she can help me with worrying, relaxation and being more balanced (triple tick!), so I'm signing up for more of that.  I'll see her weekly from now on and more frequently around embryo transfer if I am fortunate to reach this stage again.

And relaaaaaax.

Seconds Out, Round Two

Today I started our second IVF/ICSI cycle.

First thing this morning I injected buserelin (Suprecur) . . . no major panic, I just did it, I didn't even take a photo this time, I guess this is what happens second time round. Even though I didn't inject buserelin in my first cycle (I used a nasal spray 3 times/day) I'm a bit of a dab hand at injecting after all those shots of Gonal F and so it was pretty uneventful.

I've nothing much to report really, I feel less anxious than I did last week about starting today and have just kind of accepted it I guess. I've tried to stay busy today (baking, shopping, cooking, tweeting, blogging) and not dwell on what I'm doing or over analyse anything, seems to be working so far.

There is an update on the brother-crazy SIL gate, he texted late last week to say can we put our meeting on hold, he'd like to be upfront with my SIL and needs to pick the right time to speak to her. I was a bit annoyed at first (he could have discussed this with my SIL without me even knowing and then got in touch if there was an issue . . . of course there is going to be an issue) but after a few minutes I just felt sorry for him, such a sad situation that he has to ask to see his sister.  So we wait. I'm a dab hand at that too.

Anyhoo, I've now got the Zita West relaxation CDFs loaded on to my iPhone so all good to make a start this week and I have my acupuncture appointment on Tuesday with Dr Angel too. So by Wednesday I'm hope to be floating :-)

Moon's Butterfly Cakes

Chillax

I read a really good article shared by one of my tweeps over on twitter, the lovely @IVFChronicles so I thought I'd share it here (see link below). It's about the psychological effects of infertility on both females and males, and whoaa I can identify with so much of it.

The Psychological Impact of Infertility by Jo Perkins at Therapy Today

I've had a bit of a difficult week since my birthday so have been hiding a bit from my blog, ironic really, as I started it in the first place so I could write how I was truly feeling and let it all out and now I'm hiding from it, work that one out.  
I don't want to write a miserable post but just to fill you in on the highlights, my sadness this past week is mainly to do with the 'brother-SIL gate' as I'm normally pretty close to him and spoke to him frequently, I guess I just really miss him. I did speak to him on my birthday last Tuesday, on the whole I suppose it went well compared to the last phone call but it was super awkward and despite him trying to be normal it was still upsetting. We briefly spoke at the end about the awful SIL text and how upsetting this still is for me but that he is my only brother and I will always love him and not let her drive a wedge between us, felt good to finally say that to him. I've asked to meet him when he is next in London for work and offered to take time off work if he needed to get back to Bristol at a reasonable time (I realise now that might have been a bit presumptuous that he wouldn't tell my SIL, but anyhoo too late now). He finally texted earlier this week and the first time we can get together is Monday 28 March and I'll take the afternoon off work to meet him . . . so plenty of time for me to get myself all worked up about it (no point pretending I won't do this, I'm 100% sure I will).

Moving on . . .

Last Thursday was our medication teach session with our new clinic . . . here we met Nurse Chillax! Such a lovely lady, she is soooo chilled out and so I'm hoping this is going to rub off on me a little bit :-) She assured me everything is going to be fine (love her optimism) and as I'm familiar with the Gonal F she just showed me the buserelin (Suprecur) injections as I did the nasal sprays last time, seems pretty straightforward. I've paid our first little payment, signed a zillion forms and have my first baseline scan booked in already, yikes. 
To say I'm a little anxious is a bit of an understatement, I think the emotions I'm running through are fairly normal so I'm not too worried, just the usual, can I do this again, can I cope with another failed cycle and so on. These past couple of days instead of worrying about it I'm trying to focus on what I can do make myself feel better and if I increase my chances in the process, bonus!  Here's what I've been doing, it's early days though -

• I'm eating breakfast (novel for me, I tend to only partake in my most hated meal at the weekends when OH tempts me by bringing me some delights whilst I'm still in bed or doing things like Toast With a Smile).
• I'm walking to work (admittedly it only takes two minutes longer than driving as the car park is a bit of a walk, do not ask how close my new office is to home, it's embarrassing I ever drove! my defence is my hair does not do rain :-)).
• I'm eating more fruit.
• I'm drinking more water (still not enough but getting there, my bladder is small!).
• Booked my first acupuncture appointment with a lady called Angelika (I'm hoping this is a sign and that she is indeed an Angel that will look after me and make me calm).
• I'm reading before bed (to take my mind off anything stressful - work, IF, crazy SIL, whatever)
• Stop procrastinating at work (hmm a work in progress)

Not a bad list eh? If you have any other suggestions let me know. I realise 'exercise' is missing from this list, but one step at a time huh.

A-choo!

Took my lunch time dose of Suprecur today at work, dialled into my teleconference meeting, and then, 'a-chooo', ffs I sneezed, P-A-N-I-C!

• Frantically search google
• Can't find anything . . . supposed to be talking at this meeting :-/
• Panic some more
• Message my OH online . . . not sure what I would do without messenger at work, mmm probably get a lot more work done, meh
• Help! . . . Calm down
• No need to panic, was at least 3 minutes since I sniffed, OH assures me, it's fine

Home now, with blanket, Monday's suck.

This is It

So, this is it, the start of my first IVF & ICSI treatment, can't believe I am finally here, today, after all this waiting, am I actually ready? I'm not sure :-(

I didn't sleep very well last night and surprisingly my stomach appears unhappy too. 

Let the down regulating begin . . . 

Suprecur (buserelin), 3 times a day, once in each nostril, easy peasy lemon squeezy.

In the end I just did it very quickly and I felt ok until a couple of minutes later, heart racing and I felt like I'd swallowed a rock, probably more from nerves than anything else. I laid down for a few minutes and then I felt absolutely fine, quite sprightly in fact! I can taste it at the back of my throat though but the toothpaste soon fixed that.

Other than feeling a bit 'odd' and a couple of intermittent headaches through the day I felt fine, I can do this.

I took my third dose in the evening and after a lovely meal out to celebrate starting the treatment . . . 10 minutes later, mild panic sets in, my heart is racing super fast and it feels like my heart is beating outside my chest . . . heart palpitations. Not pleasant and a bit worrying but I've taken it easy for the rest of the evening and hopefully it will do the trick, watched The Hangover, fab film! 

Drugs R Us

I sat at home waiting patiently for my drugs to arrive . . . I'm supposed to be "working from home", hmm not a whole lot of work going on here, I can tell ya, Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Jeremy Kyle (tee hee, any distraction will do this morning).

I finally get the magic phone call about 10:30am, the courier is just round the corner, sounds like a nice man :-)

Errr blimey, that's a BIG box, why have I been sent such a BIG box :-(

I carefully unpack, stack everything neatly!  Take a photo (of course).

Errr not just nasal sprays and needles then, why the hell do I have 3 boxes of progesterone vaginal gel, no one told me about that . . . wtf

Deep breaths . . . just stack them nice and neatly.

Panic over, they have sent a lovely purple carry case, all is forgiven.

I meticulously do down the check list, everything present and correct, needles in the fridge (interesting next to the wine and milk) and the rest at room temperature. Will study everything more closely when I get back home tonight, omg I start on Friday :-/

No Need to Panic!

This is the beginning, IVF/ICSI Cycle 1 (eeek!), hard to actually believe that after TTC for the best part of the last two and half years, here I am, at Bourn Hall, so they can show the potions and needles I will start using this Friday, shit, this Friday, only 3 more sleeps!

I'm sat in the Bourn Hall outpatient waiting room (kinda Laura Ashley stylee) . . . for those who haven't been to Bourn Hall before, it's a truly amazing place, not just because of the magic they perform here on a daily basis, but it's a breathtaking old country house set in a little cute village, just outside Cambridge (Bourn Hall Clinic), hard to believe you can actually come here as part of the NHS East of England plan . . . it may be an hour drive from home, but well worth it when you get here, a different world to the Lister Hospital. 

Headcount . . . 3 couples in the room (some with other halves, some with their friends) . . . it's a bit like being on the Tube for me . . . quick scan around and off my mind goes making up silly little stories for everyone there . . . who are they, where are they from, have they started their treatment yet, are they coping? . . . the list is endless.  Searching for answers to my million questions in my head, it's quite overwhelming really.

The nurse just called my name, uh oh, that's me, stop day dreaming, it's my turn . . .

Turns out we're seeing the pharmacist not a nurse and she is going to give us a quick run through of all the medications.  

Quick scan of the pharmacy:

Needles - check
Nasal spray - check
Rubber pin cushion - check!! P-H-E-W yippee!

No need to panic, there is a rubber pin cushion, thank goodness, she won't be sticking the demo needle in me after all, and R-E-L-A-A-A-X

The nice pharmacist spends about 20 minutes taking us through everything . . . super fast though, blink and you'll miss it! She's obviously a dab hand at assembling that nasal spray thing, take this bit off, put this bit here and this bit here, and bob's your uncle, simple. Apparently I'm going to be taking Suprecur nasal spray (buserelin) rather than Synarel as there is a problem at the manufacturers of Synarel, so unlucky for me (there's a surprise) that means spraying 3 times a day instead of 2, fab.

Next, the dreaded needles . . . must pay attention . . . this one's gonna take some practice, yikes, hope I don't do it wrong :-(  I know, let's look at the positives (yes, lets) . . . the needle is only about one cm or so long . . . it's very thin . . . it's gonna be hard to get the dose wrong . . . and I can ring them at any time.  I ask about the other needle I can see there . . . Ovitrelle I think . . . that must be the last injection, the one that's supposed to sting :-(  It's ok, she's read my mind, she says she'll take me through the other bits closer to the time . . . and R-E-L-A-A-A-X