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It's been 3 years this week since we began our TTC journey. Wow, I can't believe it's actually been this long . . . we've never seen those magic two lines, not once :-( makes you wonder can it ever happen for us. I'm sad to write that as I know it's a sign that I'm losing hope, it's inevitable I guess, but I'm still clinging on, just about.
As it's been so long I thought I should update the About Moon page and Our Journey page links in the top left corner of the blog, so check these out if you want the latest on our treatment plan.
After my magical weekend away I came back to earth with a bump. Ahead of our third ICSI cycle my consultant recommend that we have the chromosome karyotyping test for peace of mind and that I should be able to get this on the NHS through my GP, failing that we can pay for it and have it at the fertility clinic, easy? well you'd think so.
I called my GP last week, she seemed a bit put out, she had never been asked something like this before, it's not protocol apparently, I'm to go direct to my NHS consultant (I've named him Mr Moody) who she referred me to initially. I was a little upset by this but I guess it made sense. I called my NHS consultants secretary (Moody Sidekick) . . . she was just plain rude to me, a nasty nasty lady. She said she didn't have my fertility clinic's follow-up letter in front of her so she didn't know what I was talking about (go get my file?) and so she couldn't help me. Errr what? She didn't know what test I'm talking about and they couldn't possibly do anything like that for me! In the end she made me fax her a copy of the letter which she would show the on call consultant. She rang me back the next day (the first day of my escapism weekend), she continued with her disgusting attitude and told me that as I hadn't seen the consultant in the last 2 years, as they had referred me on to a fertility clinic, that I no longer was 'their' patient (cue outraged hysteria), apparently I am 'discharged' from them and if I want to see/speak to the consultant I have to start again by seeing my GP and getting a new referral.
WHAT???
After a crying hissy fit, a quick chat with Mr Moon (btw OH's new name, I kinda like it) I was back on track and decided to park it all until after the weekend. I called my fertility clinic at the beginning of this week to arrange to have the blood tests privately, easy? again, you'd think so. Apparently as my next cycle is NHS funded (my last cycle was self funded) they are unable to carry out the test for me and the consultant shouldn't have told me that they could, this is only allowed for private cycles (cue more tears).
One brick wall after another, how frustrating! I tried to persuade them that the test is independent of next cycle and it was recommended by a consultant at their clinic. Luckily, by the end of the day Mr Moon had fixed it, he had recently seen an andrologist in London and we can have the tests through her instead this weekend. Why is nothing simple?
Since then, I've been having a tough week, feeling like a yo yo, up one minute and down the next. I'm struggling with carrying on with normal life whilst I have this great big black cloud following me around. The culmination of reaching 3 years of TTC and the brother/SIL-gate is just too much, I'm completely cracking under the pressure now *tears*
I don't want to burden anyone with my troubles too much, they're too consuming and it's not fair on them, I have some lovely friends who try to support me but I'm just letting them scratch the surface and trying to put on a brave face when they ask after me.
After a tearful evening, I made the first step earlier this week and have contacted my employee assistance programme, through work I am eligible for a few sessions of counselling. I've had a initial clinical assessment over the phone last night and needless to say he approved my request and so I'm awaiting to be assigned a counsellor. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction.
Thankfully my acupuncture sessions with Dr Angel change from fortnightly to weekly again next week and I've decided to try yoga again in a new class starting in two weeks. Bring back the zen.
Dear Moon, I hear your pain. So sorry that this has been so difficult for you a long and painful journey. I would love to support you and teach you to chart your fertility and possibly give some nutritional suggestions. If you are interested please email me traci@novuscor.com and we talk further. Have a great acupuncture appointment! Best Regards, Traci
ReplyDeleteGod, I so understand what you're going through. As if the pain and stress of the IF weren't enough, horrible non-helpful people and bureaucracy mazes on top just make you want to explode! I've SO been there.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you're looking out for more support - whether it's through yoga or counseling. The thing is, with that extra weight on us, you just have to make a conscious effort to find other ways to feel good - just to balance it out. That's what I'm trying to do. I've been writing about that challenge on my blog.
I read about the problems with your brother and his so not helpful wife. I'm so sorry that you're not getting the support you need from family in such a hard time. That really sucks.
Work on surrounding yourself with things that support you and make you happy. It's going to happen! It just happens sooner for some people than others.
Oh Moon, I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all that extra hassle. I don't really get why the UK has to make it's health system so bureaucratic. I'm sorry your GP let you down here...
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased you are getting counseling, you will not regret it. How long will it take to get the karyotype result? Finger crossed it will be normal. Take care sweetie, and let's hope 3 is your lucky number xxx
oh how annoying. I swear there is an elective part of doctor training called how to be the most inaccessible and unhelpful person ever.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, have 'kinda' been there but not exactly same sitch as you
I'm so sorry, Moon. Sometimes you have to wonder if rudeness is a qualification for those jobs. So unfair to deal with that on top of everything else.
ReplyDeleteI do want to say that you should never feel bad "burdening" others with your troubles. That's what they (and we) are here for.
Take care of yourself and know I'm keeping the hope for you. xoxo
Thanks for all your lovely messages of support.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame the NHS staff couldn't be more helpful in my case, and also when delivering news I don't want to hear, there is a nicer way to do that than what I've experienced lately. That being said, I am very grateful to live in an area that allows funded cycles though and so I'll just try to see it as a blip and move on.
This weekend we had out blood tests taken for the chromosome karyotyping, the results will take a few weeks but we hope to hear before our third cycle, fingers crossed for a good result :)
I have asked the same questions so many times - why is nothing simple?? As if IF isn't bad enough without us having to deal with horrible people like Mr Moody and Moddy Sidekick. I don't understand why people like that go into a (so-called) caring profession.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you hon.
We have arranged our sperm DNA fragmentation (same as karytyping?) test for a week on Friday and ended up at a London clinic. Lots & lots of luck for the results.
Sorry I've not been around much lately but I've been taking some time out which has been doing me the world of good. I hope it goes well with the counsellor, that's such a positive step to take.
Lots of love,
MyTTCstory
xxx