2ww

Well, this 2ww (two-week-wait) malarky is all a bit pants really.  
It feels different to the usual 2ww's as I'm not left wondering if the little eggie is meeting the little tadpole as I KNOW FOR A FACT they put an embryo back in there! All I need the little bean to do now is to find a nice resting place to implant in my lining and feel at home, how hard can that be? feels somewhat impossible.

I've not been able to blog for a few days as I had to travel up to my parent's place up North, my dad was much more ill than we had thought when I wrote my last post. Unfortunately he had another bleed in the brain (a different side to his first bleed) and this was pushing his brain to one side :-( He needed an urgent operation to drain the bleed and relieve the pressure. Thankfully the operation has gone well and he is recovering nicely, I'm hoping he can be discharged tomorrow and then me and OH will travel back home again (snow permitting!).  Not quite the relaxing start to the 2ww I had planned!
So back to topic! My embryo transfer was last Wednesday so today I think (still trying to get the lingo!) I am 4dp5dt which means 4 days past a 5-day transfer (although technically they transferred a morula rather than a blastocyst so maybe I should call it a 4-day transfer, who knows?).

Symptom check:
Generally - Think I still have the crinone/progestrone side effects like bloating
1dp5dt - Tried to relax, for what, maybe 2 hours, before getting news about my dad
2dp5dt - Some stomach cramps on and off all day, sore (.)(.)
3dp5dt - Cramps seem to have pretty much passed (bad sign?)
4dp5dt - Feeling pretty normal, (.)(.) not as sore any more . . . going mad!?

I'm not really sure what to make of it all, I didn't think I would over analyse all my symptoms (maybe that was silly to think I wouldn't do that as that sounds soooo like me, I love google!) . . . but I have, I've been looking up all sorts in case it's a sign, the result being that I've felt a bit up, a bit down, and a bit all over the place.

Anyhoo, I've persisted with eating the pineapple core and pineapple pieces, drinking pineapple juice and munching brazil nuts, bit sick of it now so I think I've done as much as I can to help with implantation.


It dawned on me this weekend that with blogging it means everyone following this, in real life, or in my infertility world, everyone knows EVERY step, there is no hiding. I know they are all waiting with me and wishing me well, but it does make me feel a bit vulnerable too, not sure how to fix that one.
Righty-ho, I think should do as OH says and put the laptop away and relax. . . hopefully my dad will be discharged tomorrow, the snow will magically disappear (and of course that the little bean has implanted) and we can head back home to some kind of normality. I'm a little sad that the start of my 2ww has not been as chilled and stress-free as I would have hoped, but you can't plan for these things and I had to be with my family, if my little embie makes it through all this then it must be a strong one.

One on board

Oh my, I have one embie on board!! 

Today was embryo transfer (ET) day and so technically I am pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO), this term, although true, makes me feel a bit uneasy though as I cannot let myself believe the word 'pregnant' can be associated with me until I pass the next hurdle. I've been a right mix bag of emotions today, anxious, excited, relieved, fearful, hopeful, changes by the minute!

I called the clinic as instructed this morning but they could not tell me anything new and just confirmed by ET appointment for the afternoon. Whilst I was pleased about this I was still a little disappointed that they couldn't give me an update on how our embies were doing, especially after losing two yesterday I really wanted to know how they were.   

I was quite anxious last night too as I found out that my dad (who lives 3 hours away 'oop North) was feeling unwell and I can't remember if I've said before but just before starting IVF he became very ill unexpectedly in September.  He seemed to be making a remarkable recovery but unfortunately he fell ill again on Saturday and so this has set him back. My mum decided not to tell me to avoid stressing me out this week due to the stage of my IVF cycle but my brother knows me better and has let me know secretly (I prefer to have the facts) and so my mum is not yet aware that I know, complicated, yes.  Anyhoo, I was feeling anxious about this as I was worried that maybe his acute brain haematoma may be bleeding again, but if I think logically (and get a grip!), hopefully it is just an infection or something that can be sorted out soon, will have to wait and see. Fingers crossed, it’s difficult to be living away from my parents.

I’m rambling, back to embryo’s :-) On arrival at the clinic we were shown to possibly the smallest room ever, panic!? For a few seconds, we both thought maybe it wasn’t good news and no embies have survived, but the nurse quickly reassured it that this wasn’t the case. Again though, she wasn’t not able to give us any information whatsoever on our embies, so frustrating, gimme the details! Instead she explained the procedure and what to expect . . . I didn’t need a full bladder before arriving, she said sometimes there can be a half an hour wait so it was fine to start drinking from that point. First we met the consultant who would perform the ET, luckily it was the same consultant we had seen back in June so that was good and he was very smiley which was reassuring, although the first time I have had a MAN doing one of my procedures.  The embryologist then arrived, blink and you missed him, he could not wait to escape! He was quite vague and was reluctant to give any details on grading or quality (for my own good I’m sure, but frustrating all the same). He explained they would be transferring just the one embryo back (which I expected as they advocate the one at a time policy) and that it would be a morula.

Err, hold on a minute! took a couple of seconds to process, but so glad I had consulted Dr Google these past few days, I know that a morula is more of a Day 4 embryo and we were hoping for a Day 5 blastocyst. So before he escaped I asked him why, but he was still vague, he said it’s just a few hours behind being a blastocyst (I hope he’s right and I HOPE it does not affect my chances that it’s being a bit slower - OH likes to think it's 'laid-back'!). He said it’s a good morula, the other 2 to 3 embryo's are further behind.

Err, hold on a minute! I asked him to clarify, so there are only 4 left now and not 5, he confirmed that this was the case and he did not sound too hopeful that they would make the grade for freezing, my poor embies, and there goes my back up plan of escaping egg collection if there is to be a second cycle :-(  I blinked and he vanished.

Anyway, FOCUS, I'm still rambling! The procedure was absolutely fine in the end, bit like a smear test but took a bit longer (15 minutes from arriving in the room and meeting the consultant to being back in the waiting room). Me and my OH watched the ultrasound screen together, holding hands (aww) and we saw the catheter go in and then the embryologist returned briefly with the embryo in a thin tube of liquid and passed this over to the consultant for the transfer, hard to ask him any more flaming questions in the position I was in, picture this, legs in the air, practically upside down, not ideal, he escaped, ha!

And that was that, done . . . and then we smiled, how bizarre, there is one on board I hope getting all snuggly!

Fab 5

When the Lucky 7 became the Fab 5, please grow embies, grow and stay strong!

I knew the excitement from yesterday wouldn't last that long, I spoke too soon. If I'm honest, I'm a little gutted that we lost another two embryo's, poor embies :-( I know I just need to be realistic and remember that it's better that the embryo's that are not good enough are better out than in, I still don't know any grading yet so not sure how strong the Fab 5 are.

I'm still set for a Day 5 blastocyst transfer tomorrow, I have to call the clinic in the morning to check on how the embryo's are doing (I'm worried as I know Day 4 to Day 5 is a huge step) and then all being well (#hope) I will be having my transfer in the afternoon.

I've been wondering about the fresh pineapple thing, it's apparently supposed to help with the embryo transfer sticking, I'm a sucker for these things. I've read some conflicting reports though, some say eat the fresh pineapple and others say just the fresh juice (not from concentrate).  My lovely Twitterers (thank you) tell me that eating fresh pineapple (from the core if possible) for 3 - 5 days after transfer is good.  I think I read something about Brazil nuts too.

Here's hoping my Fab 5 make it through the night.

Lucky 7

When 8 became 7, the Lucky 7, grow embies grow :-)

So looks like I really am still set for a Day 5 blastocyst transfer on Wednesday, yippee. I was so anxious before I called the clinic today as I know Day 3 is a big milestone to get to and I was expecting that more of our embryos might not make it.  As I spoke to a nurse she was unable to tell me any information about the grading of the embryo's and explained that the embryologist will go through this on Wednesday, so I have to be patient a little longer (boo).

After that phone call, dare I say it, I felt a teeny weeny bit excited, the first time ever since starting this cycle. I'm so proud our embryo's have made it this far and hope they all keep strong till my transfer day.

I couldn't concentrate on work this afternoon so I did a sneaky bit of research about embryo's and the different stages and came across a useful website, www.pregnancyivf.com that explains it in simpleton terms:

Day 0  Egg retrieval day. 

Day 1  Eggs checked for fertilisation (looking for the presence of two pronuclei)
Day 2  Embryos that have successfully fertilised should be at the 4-cell stage or more.

Day 3  Embryos should be at the 8-cell stage or more. 

Day 4  Embryos will be at the compacted morula (16-32 cell) stage.
Day 5  Embryos will be at the blastocyst stage of development.

The most important stages in development are:

• Fertilisation
• 4 to 8 cell stage
• Morula to blastocyst stage

More hurdles to pass then! I also hope that I have some quality embryo's left to freeze too, apparently only 10-20% of patients have good quality embryo's to freeze, I'm not sure how true this is or what the cut-off grade is at my clinic to qualify for freezing, will cross that bridge if we get there.

Anyhoo, I will call the clinic again tomorrow and hope my Lucky 7 are still having fun in their petri dishes waiting for me.